[Page Sixty]

The Madness of Yu-Gi-Oh! (part 1)


  • Card game

    [Note: A while back I found myself in the divine presense of a ten year old and his Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Like most people, I had heard of these popular cards, but had never seen them. Wow. They are very strange for sure and very Japanese in feel. After sifting through a few hundred of his thousands of cards, here are a few I either found humorous or just downright strange.]

    [Below: 'Malevolent Nuzzler'? What the hell is a Nuzzler? It can't be good...! Or maybe it just sounded better than 'Malevolent Cuddler'!]

    [Below: This might make a good modern black metal cover!]

    [Below: 'Dark Gray'. This creature is so fuckin' cool it can only be named after its color! Ever wondered what geniuses named such things as a fly a 'fly', or an orange an 'orange'?]

    [Below: Don't trust her. Word on the streets is she has a raging case of elven herpes... so you know what her 'gift' is going to be.]

    [Below: ...]

    [Below: If you think he looks homo then please understand that he was the manliest fairy that showed up for the picture shoot!]

    [Below: Every child should have a 'Malice Doll of Demise'.]

    [Below: ...!]

    [Below: 'Cemetery Bomb'! Interesting to think of a cemetery being bombed. In WW2 millions of bombs were dropped, many of them indiscriminately. But did you know that the 'good guys', Britain and America, actually TARGETED German cemeteries during WWII?!?It's true. What a forlorn sight it must've been.]

    [Below: huh?]

    [Below: 'Nightmare Penguin'. I have never written those two words together before now, and never will again.]

    [Below: Ahh, so that's what those unidentified lights in the sky really are!]

    [Below: They've come from the sky to feed on our flames!]

    [Below: Someone had a weird obsession with turtles...]

    [Below: Things just get stranger and stranger...]

    [Below: What a fat-ass mummy. I bet his embalmers had a fun time draining all the grease out of his veins!]

    [Below: He's calling out for your bacon grease.]

    [Below: Probably after a massive coronary explosion.]

    [Below: Malevolent Creation did a killer song of the same name on their masterpiece 'The Ten Commandments'.]

    [Below: 'The Gross Ghost of Fled Dreams'. Someone really strained their imagination to think up this title.]

    [Below: A 'fairy' card indeed. This kid is destined to be one of those mummies mentioned above.]

    [Below: 'Invitation to a Dark Sleep'. Better than a 'light' sleep I suppose.]

    [Below: Many a black metal band has written a song about this awe inspiring goat.]

    [Below: ...]

    [Below: Getting stranger still...]

    [Below: ...]

    [Below: 'Bad Reaction to Simochi'! This must be some kind of sushi?!]


  • But Yu-gi-oh! isn't the only card game in the sea. There are many, many others. My 'source' had a few other examples. If you thought Yu-Gi-Oh! was strange, leave it to Nintendo's Pokemon to be stranger still.

    [Below: Oooh, scary!]

    [Below: Hmm...]

    [Below: We've found the human missing link!]


  • World of Warcraft isn't just a video game apparently... I somehow doubt Blizzard, its maker, could ever come up with anything as cool as Nintendo's 'Lickitung' however. Or the obscene, evil brutality of Nintendo's 'Graveler'. We'll see...

    [Below: ...]

    [Below: ...]

    [Below: Wow, talk about a bad reputation. I wonder what a girl has to do before earning the nickname 'Putrid'?]

    [Below: ...]

    [Below: I think I might need one of those after cataloging all of this...]


  • Magic the Gathering

    [Below: 'Destroy any one creature that isn't black'... How racist is this card?!]

    [Below: And finally! 'Mind Rot'! Which is exactly what I have now after looking through all these cards!]

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