Here are some characters whom wish nothing more than to seduce your children into crime, drugs, Satanism, tomfoolery and general buggery. Beware.

[Below: Asmodeus. The Lord of Hell. This fellow scared Christians so much that TSR had to remove him from the next Monster Manual.]

[Below: Demogorgon (Prince of Demons). This is one of the freakiest of the old TSR demon profiles. Two babboon heads, tentacle arms and eighteen feet tall... he is a 'supra-genius' meaning above genius, one of only three of the demon lords to be this intelligent, the others being Asmodeus and Orcus.]

[Below: Juiblex (The Faceless Lord). Juiblex is one of the strangest bosses of the hells. He resembles Demon's Souls first boss 'Phalanx'. The Demon/Dark Souls are awesome games, by the way!]

[Below: Orcus (Prince of the Undead). Orcus, the third smarty-pants of hell.]

[Below: Yeenoghu (Demon Lord of Gnolls). This demon looks rather tame compared to the others. This is a case of a weapon making the 'man'. His seven foot long flail is bad-ass.]

[Below: Baalzebul (Arch-devil). Being as this is the Lord of Lies I think it is safe for us to discard his statistics, since they are probably a lie to make him look like a tough guy. In reality he has 2 hit points and YOUR GAZE causes fear to him, no saving throw!]

[Below: Dispater (Arch-devil). The shortest of the demon lords at only seven feet tall, he is probably picked on by the others for this fact. But, if he is as smart as they say, then he could fulfill another's wish, paying them to wish that he was 25 feet tall. Fabulous idea!]

[Below: Geryon (Arch-devil). Well it is certainly not women who refer to him as a 'Wild Beast'... who exactly refers to him as this? Other demons? I can picture that 'That Geryon, man, last night he was so drunk and he was fighting with the police and... Hmm... ]

[Below: Chromatic Dragon (Tiamat). Ahh, mother Tiamat. The fact that she can attack with all five of her heads at the same time is a tremendous advantage. Now I can see why she has a band named after her. I wonder why there is no band named after Asmodeus?]

[Below: Ygorl - Lord of Entropy (Slaad Lord). These following evil bastards are from the Fiend Folio book and don't seem to be as thought out as the ones from the Monster Manual above.]

[Below: Ssendam - Lord of the Insane (Slaad Lord). Oh shit it is a demonic neo-otyugh!!!]

[Below: Yan-C-Bin (Prince of Evil Aerial Creatures). You can imagine the 'high level characters'... 'Hmmm... I don't know about you guys but I detect Yan-C-Bin...']

[Below: Olhydra (Prince of Evil Water Creatures). This whole 'Evil Water' could be another name for vodka. Imagine a demon prince made entirely of vodka. You could send in a group of dwarves and they could just drink him away!]

[Below: Ogrémoch (Prince of Evil Earth Creatures). What's this loser made out of, cookie dough?]

[Below: Imix (Prince of Evil Fire Creatures). Damn, I can imagine facing this guy...

Dungeon Master: Okay, roll for initiative, Imix, who is made of hellfire, goes on a ten.

Player: Okay, I fireball him.

End of story.]

[Below: Cryonax (Prince of Evil Cold Creatures). This guy looks like a teddy bear. He's just angry because he is so damn cold, give him a blanket and he'll be alright.]

[Below: Lolth (Demon Queen of Spiders). The goddess of the drow elves. The next time you kill a spider in your house may the curse of Lolth be upon you!]

The following are REAL gods and goddesses of world religion, not fantasy or mythology, despite the lies of the modern age. Whether they exist as beings or not isn't important here, but the fact that our old deities were turned into demons or myths by Christianity is foolishness. These deities pre-date Judeo-Christianity by thousands of years, what makes them any less real than Christ or Yahweh? The representations of ancient deities below are mere comedy.

[Below: Medusa. Well not a god or demon but we won't hold that against her. Although there are many stories of Medusa, a late version told by the Roman poet Ovid, says that Medusa was originally a ravishingly beautiful maiden, "the jealous aspiration of many suitors," but because Poseidon had raped her in Athena's temple, the enraged Athena transformed Medusa's beautiful hair to serpents and made her face so terrible to behold that the mere sight of it would turn onlookers to stone. Furthermore, in Ovid's telling, Perseus describes Medusa's punishment by Minerva (Athena) as just and well earned.]

[Below: Mictlantecuhtli (god of death). Damn, you'd have to be a god to just pronounce this Aztec guy's name...]

[Below: Hate (lesser god). There is actually a god called Hate? And he's a lesser god? Well I would have to disagree, I see his worshippers all around me. Haters gonna hate.]

[Below: Kali (black earth mother). Kalki, we wait for your return to cleanse the fence-sitters and our enemies alike!]

[Below: Set (god of evil and the night). You don't get much cooler than Set.]

[Below: Hecate (goddess of magic). Hecate's possession of two spheres of annihilation make her insanely powerful. That's like having two moving black holes as weapons.]

[Below: Ishtar (goddess of love and war). Funny that a deity could represent love and war at the same time. They say anyone who loves war has never been in war.]

[Below: Odin "All Father" (supreme ruler of the gods). Speaking of, have you ever read the Poetic Edda? I recently read a part of it called the Völuspá. It is truly a fascinating story. Odin raises a seer from the dead and she basically tells him of a time before time and of secrets only he knows. She even says she knows the location of his eye, which he traded for knowledge. She ends her story telling him of Ragnarok, where most of the gods die, including him. There are various versions, some better than others. It's truly a magical tale.]

[Below: Inanna (war goddess/goddess of love). Love and war again. 'All's fair in love and war...']

[Below: Athena (goddess of wisdom and combat). My personal favorite of them all. The grey-eyed goddess Athena. The goddess of our struggle for truth. HEIL ATHENA!]

Monster manuals of the Victorian Age. Many books of this type of ceremonial magic detail not only how to summon demons, but what the demons are good at (what special skills they possess), what they look like and what they like and dislike. Give it a try, summon a demon today! Maybe you could summon a couple and have them play Dungeons & Dragons with you. You and your new demon friends could all go on an adventure to the hells and try to overthrow Asmodeus. And die.

[Below: Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi. Baphomet, seen below, is a hermaphrodite, who is currently fighting to use the women's restroom.]

[Below: The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage. Translated by S. L. Macgregor Mathers. Mathers was a practicing vegetarian, and an outspoken anti-vivisectionist. He was also the one to kick Aleister Crowley out of the occult group the Golden Dawn. Crowley supposedly said that he cursed him in revenge and sent legions of demons after him.]

[Below: Here are some crossword puzzles...]

[Below: The Book of Black Magic by Arthur Edward Waite. This book is notorious for having many mistakes of just about every kind. It was later republished in a 'corrected' version titled the 'Book of Ceremonial Magic'...]

[Below: Damn, so Amon appears like a wolf with a serpent's head and vomits fire and will get me love? hmm... I'm in!.]

[Below: The Magus - A Complete System of Occult Philosphy by Francis Barrett.]

[Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. Wow, check out the hook nose on that gentleman...]

[Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. Holy shit Asmodeus looks like a fish!]

[Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. Damn, is he sticking his tongue out at us?]

[Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. So Astaroth is a black man with a severe overbite?]

[Below: Of course, D&D has been featured in many computer games and game systems over the years. Here is a recent release from Japan.]

[Below: D&D soda? Do they have these in gallons?]

[Below: An afterthought: The original Player's Handbook from 1978. It went through several revisions.]

[Below: The art without all those pesky words.]

[Below: A model of the gentleman. He's achieved a very famous status in modern times, with many idols and books being made honoring him. He is no doubt humble, however, and only wishes that humans stop trying to pry out and steal his fucking eye!]

[Below: A crappy modern edition.]

[Below: A kid's Player's Handbook? If they are too stupid to calculate the weight allowance of a drunk, heavily-diseased, one-legged, homosexual dwarf then they shouldn't be playing! Tell me what the THACO is of a 3rd level bard/druid whose main weapon is the petrified relic penis of Vecna, you little shit?!]

[Below: The Temple of Chaos.]

[Below: Into the Demon Idol.]

[Below: The idols below are only a sampling of the numerous examples of idols done by various people and companies.]

[Below: This one has a missing eye! So I guess this proves that those bastard humans were successful stealing his eye...]

Puppies and Kittens

[#777]