[Page One Hundred and Four]


Dungeons & Dragons

[#776]

  • Demons, devils and the seduction of the innocent

    [Note: Here are some profiles on all manner of evil things that go bump in the night. Things that seek to brainwash our children. Who wish to trick our children into listening to heavy metal. Who are poised to squash innocence and replace it with intelligence...err, let's forget about that last one. Anyway, these demonic profiles are taken from the tomes directly below. All images click to enlarge.]

    [Below: The legendary Deities and Demigods manual. The first example is the much rarer edition which was quickly changed because it contained a Cthulhu Mythos chapter, which apparently was done without permission of H.P. Lovecraft's copyright holders. So the second edition, also shown below, has the Cthulhu Mythos deleted. Of course... all of this is the OFFICIAL story... the REAL truth is much, much darker. Sources say that TSR was actually threatened by agents of Cthulhu... yep, I said it. If you see this listing deleted anytime soon, you'll know why: they got to me too! Second thought, nevermind, I am an agent of Cthulhu!]

    x

    [Below: The man himself. Cthulhu.]

    [Below: Byakhee (servants of Hastur). I don't remember this fellow in my Necronomicon. Simon cheated us.]

    [Below: Hastur The Unspeakable (He Who Must Not Be Named). Uh, I don't want to stir shit up, but I think someone named him Hastur!]

    [Below: Shoggoth. This guy looks like he has a cluster of missiles on his head.]

    [Below: Shub-Niggurath (black goat of the woods with a thousand young). Why no picture??? What someone couldn't at least draw a goat?]

    [Below: I felt bad that Shub-Niggurath didn't have a picture so I drew one for her. Feel free to print this out and paste it in your own Deities & Demigods manual.]

    [Below: This is actually a view of your fast food under a microscope.]

    [Below: Mi-Go (the Fungi from Yuggoth). They couldn't remember his name, so they named him after the last thing he ever said. And to remind themselves of who he was they simply left a note "The fun guy from Yuggoth".]

    [Below: Primordial One. This is the guy who killed the fat Jew at the beginning of Jurassic Park.]

    [Below: I guess she didn't read the sign "Stay off the grass". This guy is actually just the groundskeeper. This drawing is merely an overzealous artist's interpretation based on the wench's story: "Oh he was horrible... he was waving his hands and his eyes were bulging and he had like pimples on his face... I'm so traumitized."]

  • Here are some characters whom wish nothing more than to seduce your children into crime, drugs, Satanism, tomfoolery and general buggery. Beware.

    [Below: Asmodeus. The Lord of Hell. This fellow scared Christians so much that TSR had to remove him from the next Monster Manual.]

    [Below: Demogorgon (Prince of Demons). This is one of the freakiest of the old TSR demon profiles. Two babboon heads, tentacle arms and eighteen feet tall... he is a 'supra-genius' meaning above genius, one of only three of the demon lords to be this intelligent, the others being Asmodeus and Orcus.]

    [Below: Juiblex (The Faceless Lord). Juiblex is one of the strangest bosses of the hells. He resembles Demon's Souls first boss 'Phalanx'. The Demon/Dark Souls are awesome games, by the way!]

    [Below: Orcus (Prince of the Undead). Orcus, the third smarty-pants of hell.]

    [Below: Yeenoghu (Demon Lord of Gnolls). This demon looks rather tame compared to the others. This is a case of a weapon making the 'man'. His seven foot long flail is bad-ass.]

    [Below: Baalzebul (Arch-devil). Being as this is the Lord of Lies I think it is safe for us to discard his statistics, since they are probably a lie to make him look like a tough guy. In reality he has 2 hit points and YOUR GAZE causes fear to him, no saving throw!]

    [Below: Dispater (Arch-devil). The shortest of the demon lords at only seven feet tall, he is probably picked on by the others for this fact. But, if he is as smart as they say, then he could fulfill another's wish, paying them to wish that he was 25 feet tall. Fabulous idea!]

    [Below: Geryon (Arch-devil). Well it is certainly not women who refer to him as a 'Wild Beast'... who exactly refers to him as this? Other demons? I can picture that 'That Geryon, man, last night he was so drunk and he was fighting with the police and... Hmm... ]

    [Below: Chromatic Dragon (Tiamat). Ahh, mother Tiamat. The fact that she can attack with all five of her heads at the same time is a tremendous advantage. Now I can see why she has a band named after her. I wonder why there is no band named after Asmodeus?]

    [Below: Ygorl - Lord of Entropy (Slaad Lord). These following evil bastards are from the Fiend Folio book and don't seem to be as thought out as the ones from the Monster Manual above.]

    [Below: Ssendam - Lord of the Insane (Slaad Lord). Oh shit it is a demonic neo-otyugh!!!]

    [Below: Yan-C-Bin (Prince of Evil Aerial Creatures). You can imagine the 'high level characters'... 'Hmmm... I don't know about you guys but I detect Yan-C-Bin...']

    [Below: Olhydra (Prince of Evil Water Creatures). This whole 'Evil Water' could be another name for vodka. Imagine a demon prince made entirely of vodka. You could send in a group of dwarves and they could just drink him away!]

    [Below: Ogrémoch (Prince of Evil Earth Creatures). What's this loser made out of, cookie dough?]

    [Below: Imix (Prince of Evil Fire Creatures). Damn, I can imagine facing this guy...

    Dungeon Master: Okay, roll for initiative, Imix, who is made of hellfire, goes on a ten.

    Player: Okay, I fireball him.

    End of story.]

    [Below: Cryonax (Prince of Evil Cold Creatures). This guy looks like a teddy bear. He's just angry because he is so damn cold, give him a blanket and he'll be alright.]

    [Below: Lolth (Demon Queen of Spiders). The goddess of the drow elves. The next time you kill a spider in your house may the curse of Lolth be upon you!]

  • The following are REAL gods and goddesses of world religion, not fantasy or mythology, despite the lies of the modern age. Whether they exist as beings or not isn't important here, but the fact that our old deities were turned into demons or myths by Christianity is foolishness. These deities pre-date Judeo-Christianity by thousands of years, what makes them any less real than Christ or Yahweh? The representations of ancient deities below are mere comedy.

    [Below: Medusa. Well not a god or demon but we won't hold that against her. Although there are many stories of Medusa, a late version told by the Roman poet Ovid, says that Medusa was originally a ravishingly beautiful maiden, "the jealous aspiration of many suitors," but because Poseidon had raped her in Athena's temple, the enraged Athena transformed Medusa's beautiful hair to serpents and made her face so terrible to behold that the mere sight of it would turn onlookers to stone. Furthermore, in Ovid's telling, Perseus describes Medusa's punishment by Minerva (Athena) as just and well earned.]

    [Below: Mictlantecuhtli (god of death). Damn, you'd have to be a god to just pronounce this Aztec guy's name...]

    [Below: Hate (lesser god). There is actually a god called Hate? And he's a lesser god? Well I would have to disagree, I see his worshippers all around me. Haters gonna hate.]

    [Below: Kali (black earth mother). Kali, we wait for your return to cleanse the fence-sitters and our enemies alike!]

    [Below: Set (god of evil and the night). You don't get much cooler than Set.]

    [Below: Hecate (goddess of magic). Hecate's possession of two spheres of annihilation make her insanely powerful. That's like having two moving black holes as weapons.]

    [Below: Ishtar (goddess of love and war). Funny that a deity could represent love and war at the same time. They say anyone who loves war has never been in war.]

    [Below: Odin "All Father" (supreme ruler of the gods). Speaking of, have you ever read the Poetic Edda? I recently read a part of it called the Völuspá. It is truly a fascinating story. Odin raises a seer from the dead and she basically tells him of a time before time and of secrets only he knows. She even says she knows the location of his eye, which he traded for knowledge. She ends her story telling him of Ragnarok, where most of the gods die, including him. There are various versions, some better than others. It's truly a magical tale.]

    [Below: Inanna (war goddess/goddess of love). Love and war again. 'All's fair in love and war...']

    [Below: Athena (goddess of wisdom and combat). My personal favorite of them all. The grey-eyed goddess Athena. The goddess of our struggle for truth. HEIL ATHENA!]

  • Monster manuals of the Victorian Age. Many books of this type of ceremonial magic detail not only how to summon demons, but what the demons are good at (what special skills they possess), what they look like and what they like and dislike. Give it a try, summon a demon today! Maybe you could summon a couple and have them play Dungeons & Dragons with you. You and your new demon friends could all go on an adventure to the hells and try to overthrow Asmodeus. And die.

    [Below: Transcendental Magic by Eliphas Levi. Baphomet, seen below, is a hermaphrodite, who is currently fighting to use the women's restroom.]

    [Below: The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage. Translated by S. L. Macgregor Mathers. Mathers was a practicing vegetarian, and an outspoken anti-vivisectionist. He was also the one to kick Aleister Crowley out of the occult group the Golden Dawn. Crowley supposedly said that he cursed him in revenge and sent legions of demons after him.]

    [Below: Here are some crossword puzzles...]

    [Below: The Book of Black Magic by Arthur Edward Waite. This book is notorious for having many mistakes of just about every kind. It was later republished in a 'corrected' version titled the 'Book of Ceremonial Magic'...]

    [Below: Damn, so Amon appears like a wolf with a serpent's head and vomits fire and will get me love? hmm... I'm in!.]

    [Below: The Magus - A Complete System of Occult Philosphy by Francis Barrett.]

    [Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. Wow, check out the hook nose on that gentleman...]

    [Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. Holy shit Asmodeus looks like a fish!]

    [Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. Damn, is he sticking his tongue out at us?]

    [Below: Some pictures of the spirits, demons and devils you can summon. So Astaroth is a black man with a severe overbite?]

    [Below: Of course, D&D has been featured in many computer games and game systems over the years. Here is a recent release from Japan.]

    [Below: D&D soda? Do they have these in gallons?]


    Puppies and Kittens

    [#777]

  • Letter from Mexico

    [Note: Not all letters are created equal. Not all envelopes have puppies and cats greeting you, after all. Included was even an advertisement for food. So the eternal question is: Torta Uruapan or Torta La Huaca? Using Google translate I am told the sandwiches are 'Uruapan cake and cake La Huaca' -- thanks, that tells me a lot!]

    [Below: Back of letter]


    Miles Johnston

    [#778]

  • Art

    [Note: These are done by a superb young artist named Miles Johnston. Look him up on the web or visit the URL below to see lots more of his stuff.]

    Artist Website:

    http://miles-johnston.deviantart.com/


    NSDAP/AO

    [#779]

  • Newsletter

    [Note: The NSDAP/AO is run by Gerhard Lauck, who has spent most of his life fighting for the truth of National Socialism. Not only is he a fine warrior for truth, but he is also an all around great guy.]

    NSDAP/AO Website:

    http://www.nazi-lauck-nsdapao.com/


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